As a mom, there are some memories that are crystal clear, while others are fuzzy from sleep deprivation. For me, one of those crystal memories is stroking each of the childrens heads when they were infants.
Hannah always had silky fine, slick hair. Like when you forget to rinse out conditioner. She still has fine, soft hair. Nathan's was coarser. I could feel the microscopic bumps catch under my fingertips. Now we have Leah, and her hair feels much the way Nathan's did.
I love the feel of a soft, warm babys head. The feel of that spark of life just under the surface. The smell of baby shampoo and fabric softener.
I have HPV. My OB/GYN keeps taking chunks out of my cervix, but the abnormal cell growth keeps coming back. She's waiting for me to be done having children so she can just take the whole darn thing out.
And I am not ready to make that decision. Especially when I sit in the wee morning hours stroking my babys head.