I ask that you will make me strong
As the holidays are six weeks long
And I don't have the wisdom or the might
To referee each and every fight.
To sort out who had which thing first,
Who was best and who was worst
And who called who a nasty name
And why SHE always spoils the game.
Please give me patience infinite
When they declare they hate Marmite*
And my pantry's just been filled
With a "special offer" Marmite hill,
Or when they argue at breakfast time
Because "the cereal toy is MINE!"
Make me merciful when they hate the food I cook
The things I do and the way I look
And stop me from going completely nutty
When someone kicks over another potty
Or when the chips and crumbs cover the floor
And a salesman's standing at the door
And the dog's barking, the phone's ringing
And someone upstairs is loudly singing
To "East 17" all out of tune
And a recorder's squeaking in another room
And the teakettle's broken, it's starting to rain
And they want to watch Dumbo all over again.
Forgive me, when in total despair
I rub their sandwiches in their hair
Because they said it wasn't fair
Not a single one willing to share
The only red plate.
* Marmite - a dark brown-colored savory spread that has a very strong, slightly salty flavor.